March 30, 2011
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“Her Name Was Consolacion”
I laid my cheek upon your hand, my eyes shut closed by pain.
I wish to be alone with you because I hate for them
to see me exposed, I fight my tears back, feeling their eyes
on me. I can’t bear looking at you because I fear truth.
You will be gone from me. I’d be left with only the past.
I wish we had a future on this earth. I wish you could
see me fulfill your dreams for me. I whisper my love,
affections, promises and grief in your ear only hoping
though knowing you cannot hear. As I finish speaking tears
trickle down your cheeks and begin to flow freely from mine.
I take my seat beside you and lay my hot cheek upon
your hand, and strengthen my grip on it. I stare at your face
as our tears keep flowing. The wrinkles on your brow deepen.
Your eyes stay shut. I close mine, my tears getting hot. I think
of how you looked before this and how I look now. I thank
you for my harsh brows and full lips. I smile despite my pain.
People begin to move around me, I want them to stop.
I screw up my face hoping they’ll see and leave. Time passes
and I hear nothing except for a monotonous noise.
In realization and dread I look up at the screen,
undeniable truth settles in. Two nurses whisper
to each other leaving me be. As one turns to face me,
I close my eyes to avoid having to share my feelings.
Relatives are gone from the room, save for me and my rock.
She grasps my hand and I reach for her like a child, but when
we embrace I feel as if our roles changed. I had to be
her rock for her loss is greater than mine. In this moment
I am no longer a child, for I feel the heavy heart
every mother feels at the sight of her daughter crying.
I must ignore my pain, give my love, my comfort and console.
